The Bigger Picture...

I feel that there is a thought, or a feeling... or a revelation brewing within my mind... but I need to just sit down and have a moment here to sort it out.  Other things always seem to come first...the busyness of our days. Even though I have pared down my life and keep it pretty simple I still seem to be busy with stuff. The everlasting to-do list. The bottomless list. As a stay-at-home mum other people add to my list too. It is my job after all. So here are a few thoughts, in a few minutes, between... stuff.

As part of this recent journey that I am on I am trying to listen more to inner voices, as well as outer voices whom I would have previously brushed aside. One thing that's been niggling at me led to this need to sort through my thoughts. Just this morning I came to realize that over the last week or so a number of the inspirational emails and apps that I subscribe to, along with some other emails and messages I have received are all coming together to bring me a message.

From my Daily Teachings from The Secret I was told that "Many of us were taught to put ourselves last, and as a consequence we attracted feelings of being unworthy and undeserving. You must change that thinking."  And last night I read an email regarding raising teenagers which stated that teenagers become selfish unless they are encouraged to do more things for themselves. So here I am giving myself a moment today to work on myself.

One quote I read yesterday confirmed nicely what I wrote here in my last blog entry;  “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

Another; "It's time to let people know the real you. Be who you are, not who you think people want you to be. You are more beautiful on the inside than you realize, and you need to share that beauty with others. Be transparent, let your guard down, let people know the real you." (MFG)

That got me thinking... what/who am I hiding from? And why? Why don't I want to be "seen"?

It's crazy... I was watching a dumb show the other day... Gene Simmons' Family Jewels. (disclaimer: The only reason I started watching it is because I went to school with Tracy, who is often on the show.) Garbage one would think, but some good stuff is dealt with in that show. In the episode I watched Gene was going through a pre-marriage bootcamp. One thing the counsellors honed in on was his relationships with his mother and his deceased father. He adored his mother and resented his father. The counsellors made him go through the exercise of forgiving his father. Not for the father's sake but for Gene's sake... and also for his fiance's sake. He had to let go of his anger. We also saw that Gene's attitude towards women was based on how he saw his mother. He put her on a pedestal, as he subsequently does with his fiance. And he sees himself as the bad, hurtful jerk that his dad was. Interesting. It made me realize that I tend to get along with men better than with women because I got along better with my dad. I also have been unable to love myself because I was unloved by my mum and she, I am assuming, doesn't love herself. After the show I thought about this and I quietly, in my own mind (but now I realize, to the Universe) forgave my mum. Since then (I realize now) I have accepted myself more. I am a good person. I am worthy. I deserve to be loved. And I am a likeable person too. I'm kinda neat (cool neat that is, not tidy neat).

So my point is, that since I am finding I like myself more now, I am feeling less of a need to hide. Why not show my true self to the world? Making this blog a public blog was a big step for me. I haven't gone so far as to tell anyone that I know about it... and I'm sure no one other than me has read it... but I'm still showing more of myself than I would have in the past.

The sermon series at church over the last few weeks can be summed up with the message that we don't have to earn God's love, we have it already. And that we don't have to behave perfectly and follow all the right rules, we just have to trust that God is on our side and is leading us somewhere good. Just trust God. Trust the Universe. It's on our side. Even if my mum wasn't on my side, God is. The whole freaking universe is on my side! I can forgive my mum, realize she did the best she could and move on, with the universe holding me up.

I'm sure there's more to this thought branch than I was able to clarify, but I'm glad I got some of it down on paper (well... keyboard).

It's My Time to Shine...

Over the last few years, as my kids have gotten older and taken less of my time and energy, I have started to reach out to others to build a support network.

I have always been a bit shy and stayed in my coccoon with my kids, but now I am lifting my head and realizing I would like more connections. Friends. I know saying I am shy is a limiting statement, but I am now saying I no longer want to be shy. I want to push out of that comfort zone. I want to let others into my life. I want new experiences and new connections. I want friends.

Most of these new friends have been online. I am a bit embarrassed to say this. But it is a start. And it opened my eyes to how rewarding it can feel to have friends. I have always been a bit of a loner. But I am at a place now where I would like more friends.

Through meeting and chatting with these friends I saw myself in a new light. I was seen as Anne instead of just a mom. One friend often would remind me to talk about myself, and not just about my kids. I am a separate entity. I am me. I was also informed that I am intelligent, interesting, insightful, witty and attractive. Who new?!! I sure didn't. But through hearing it from outsiders, over time, I began to absorb some of it. What a great feeling. It gave me confidence. Made me feel better about myself. Made me realize that I had more to offer than I had previously believed. I, Anne, am a likeable and worthwhile person.

I have had a couple of quotes floating around in my head for the last few days, that I knew I wanted to write down here. A few of the many, many things that my new found friends have encouraged me with. The one that has been resounding the loudest lately is;

• "Do something today that will make you shine." I love that one. (It shows up in photographs too.)


• "Get up and dance right now!"


• "Life is Good". I know that is an age old one but one friend keeps telling it to me and telling it to me. He has been a great source of wisdom and strength.


• "Anne, you rock and you know it! Stop being a pussy, stand up and say what you've got to say. I believe."

I know there a more, but those are the ones I have had swirling around in my head lately. It is great when I can hang onto friends like that. Carry the imprint of their hand on my life. Still feeling their support and love. No matter where they are.

My... List...

Ok, I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to do this... Do I call it a dream list? Or a wish list? Or my goals? Or do I just say "this is what's going to happen to me/with my life"? Or say "this is the way things are"? (which they aren't... but I know I'm supposed to act as if they are.) And am I allowed to "wish" things for other people? Life Optimizer tells me I should say "I deserve or I desire".

So here are some of the things that I desire and that I deserve. This is my ... list:

•have enough money to be able to live the lifestyle I want
•all five of us are happy
•own our own house
•have all our debts paid off
•have two reliable vehicles
•be healthy
•my kids and husband be healthy
•have energy
•be able to tithe (I know... I should anyway)
•be able to afford to go away on vacations
•be able to afford to go away for weekend get-aways
•have a good relationship with my husband
•enjoy spending time with my husband
•my husband enjoy spending time, and talking with me
•my kids have good friends
•my kids meet and marry good men someday
•be 117 lbs
•be able to go running and bike riding and play tennis with ease
•make money with my photography
•buy a really good camera, a good tripod and a zoom lens
•Megan to do well in school and with her learning
•have a flexible and painfree body
•have some friends
•have my diabetes in good control
•be friendly
•be really good at photography
•my girls have great lives and to do well in whatever they put their minds to
•my girls, my husband and me to be happy
•to be confident
•my husband to find and stick with and excel at a business he really enjoys
•pay for my kids' post secondary education
•give my kids some money
•spending time with my grandkids, when I have some
•getting out and meeting people
•all five of us have good laptop computers
•I have the most recent iPhone

Money and health. Those are the big ones. I guess they are for most people.

I can feel what it would be like to have "enough" money. Oh, it feels good. A big relief. A sense of peace. It is nice to be able to shop, and buy, and treat and go whenever I want. Oh that feels good. I can see sunshine and me smiling. Wearing new clothes. Buying stuff for my kids. My husband looking at me as we sit and chat. Seeing the lightness in his face and his smile. Knowing we can go on a trip if and when we want. Going on trips with my family and taking great pictures. Feeling lots of energy and agility and enthusiasm. Welcoming people to our home. Going out for lunch with my sisters or friends. Wow, all that feels so good.

I don't know the specifics of how this is all going to happen, but I understand that I don't need to know that part. Only that it is going to happen. Yay!

I also am unclear about what our house will look like etc. Hmmm...

•about 3000 to 3500 sq ft.
•4 spacious bedrooms with ensuites, on upper floor
•a family room
•big open kitchen with a big island
•lots and lots of windows and light
•good air flow
•a dining room
•an exercise room/ photo studio with good lighting, natural light, a good stereo and tv
•cable tv
•nicely landscaped
•fruit trees and bushes
•private back yard
•a nice deck
•open concept living areas
•a den for my husband
•a den for me where I keep my photo stuff, my desk, my files, my books but I have a laptop so I can work in there or on the kitchen island or whereever I want
•an attached double garage
•behind the garage is another heated area, just as big, as a workshop/ storage area for Ron - with garage doors separating it from the garage - so can back truck up to load up
•a games room with Wii, ping pong, pool table, good stereo, big screen tv

... I guess I wasn't unsure about it at all. Ha. I know what I want and what I like.

Inspiration Leads to Action...

Every morning I read a handful of blogs and newsfeeds. It takes a couple of hours to get through them all and it sometimes feels like a chore, but I always get something positive out of them. This morning I added five new blogs to my reading list. They are inspirational blogs. They look really good. Funny how they showed up just when I'm looking for that sort of thing.

Here is a quote that I liked from one of them...

"Thinking is great. But action makes things happen. One of the biggest differences with people that successfully grow, expand themselves, and reach their goals, is that they consistently take action. Action takes energy though, so where does that energy come from? It comes from within. Inspiration is a powerful force, and inspired action is one of the most powerful ways to motivate yourself. It beats “carrots and sticks.” Carrots and sticks are usually external forms of motivation. Instead, if you inspire yourself, you light your fire from the inside out." (Life Optimizer)

"By having a compelling vision, you have something to shoot for. Now instead of having to “push” yourself to something, you will literally be “pulled” by it. Like a magnet. The more compelling the vision, the stronger the “pull” will be." (LO)

Another good tip is to connect your action to one of your values. For example, I value family. So if I'm having a hard time committing to starting an exercise program, I could think of it as a way to stay healthy for my children, and my future grandchildren.

Ok, I don't want this to turn into me just reading stuff, then spouting it off here. I want it to be about me. My journey. And that's what it still is, I suppose. I am at the learning stage. I am collecting info and thinking about it.

As long as this inspiration leads to action! I can't get stuck in "analysis paralysis". Even just baby steps... as long as they are forward.

More Reminders...

- "Never let a day pass without looking for the good, feeling the good within you, praising, appreciating, blessing, and being grateful. Make it your life commitment, and you will stand in utter awe of what happens in your life." (TS)

- "Faith is trusting in the good. Fear is putting your trust in the bad." (TS)

- "Here is a checklist to make sure you have your receiving channels open: "Do you receive compliments well? Do you receive unexpected gifts easily? Do you accept help when it is offered? Do you accept your meal being paid for by a friend? These are little things, but they will help you know if you are open to receiving. Remember, the Universe is moving through everyone and every circumstance to give to you."(TS)

- "When you are at your weakest, God is strong. When you are down, God can lift you up. When all seems lost, God will help you win. Strength is available when you need it. Believe it, embrace it and rely on it." (GWYTK)

- "All you have to do is trust Jesus." (Rik Watts)

- "The fastest way to receive is to give, because giving starts the reciprocal action of receiving. We all receive according to how much we give. Give the best of you everywhere you go. Give a smile. Give thanks. Give kindness. Give love. Your giving should be a giving without expectation of return - a giving for the sheer joy of it." (TS)

- "Whatever you want to bring into your life, you must GIVE it. Do you want love? Then give it. Do you want appreciation? Then give it. Do you want understanding? Then give it. Do you want joy and happiness? Then give it to others. You have the ability to give so much love, appreciation, understanding, and happiness to so many people every single day!" (TS)

- "There is no past or future for the law of attraction, only the present, so stop referring to your life in the past as very difficult, or full of hardship and pain, or in any other negative way. Remember that the law only operates in the present, so when you speak of your past life negatively the law is receiving your words and sending those things back to you NOW." (TS)

- "You can limit yourself by the story you have created about you. Here are some simple examples of how the story we have created about ourselves can limit us: I am no good at math. I have never been able to dance. I am not a very good writer. I am very stubborn. I don't sleep well. I am very moody. I struggle with my weight. My English is not good. I am always late. I am not a very good driver. I can't see without my glasses. It is hard for me to make friends. Money seems to slip through my fingers. The moment you become aware of what you are saying, you can delete these things and rewrite your story!" (TS)

- "You will know when you have really found true gratitude, because you will become a giver. One who is truly grateful cannot be anything else." (TS)

-" When things change in our life, often we have resistance to the change. But if you understand the structure of the Universe, life, and creation, then you will understand that life is change, and nothing ever stands still. Everything is energy, and energy is in continual motion and change. If energy stood still you would be gone, and there would be no life. Change is always happening for the good of you and for everyone. It is the evolution of life." (TS)

-" When a big change occurs in your life it forces you to change direction. Sometimes the new path may not be easy, but you can be absolutely certain that there is magnificence for you on the new path. You can be absolutely certain that the new path contains things that you could not have experienced otherwise. When we look back at a negative event that occurred in the past, we often see how in fact it transformed our life." (TS)

-" Every human being on the planet wants to be happy. Anything that anyone desires is because they think their desire will make them happy. Whether it is health, money, a loving relationship, material things, accomplishments, a job, or anything at all, the desire for happiness is the bottom line of all of them. But remember that happiness is a state inside of us, and something on the outside can only bring fleeting happiness, because material things are impermanent. Permanent happiness comes from you choosing to be permanently happy. When you choose happiness, then you attract all the happy things as well. The happy things are the icing on the cake, but the cake is happiness." (TS)

-" The Universe is completely and utterly in love with you. No matter how many mistakes you make, no matter where you are in your life, no matter what you think of you, the Universe loves you for all eternity." (TS)

-" You are an electromagnetic being emitting a frequency. Only those things that are on the same frequency as the one you are emitting can come into your experience. Every single person, event, and circumstance in your day is telling you what frequency you are on. If your day is not going well, stop and deliberately change your frequency. If your day is going swimmingly, keep doing what you are doing." (TS)

-" You bring everything to you through the power of your imagination. The power of imagination is not something you have to acquire; you have it already! You think in images, and you use imagination or imaging every single day of your life. When you think about the past you are imagining. When you think about the future you are imagining. And as you imagine and concentrate on anything with feeling, you are bringing it to you. Walk like that now. Talk like that now. Act like that now. Feel the same as that, now. Become as happy as that person, now. Be that person, now! When you become the person in your imagined picture you have shifted yourself to the frequency of your desire, and it must and will appear. Your imagination is showing you precisely the person you need to become." (TS)

-" You can most certainly help others through your thoughts, and they can help you. Every good thought you send to another is a living force. However, the person you are sending the thought to has to be asking for the same thing you are sending. If the person does not want it, then they are not in harmony with your thought frequency, and it will not penetrate them. You cannot create in another's life against their will, but if it is something they want, your thoughts are a real force that helps them." (TS)

-" To help you have the true perspective of creation, no matter how big your desire may seem to you, think of it as the size of a dot! You may want a house, car, vacation, money, the perfect partner, your dream job or children. You may want to receive full health in your body. It doesn't matter what it is you want, think of it as the size of a dot, because for the force of the Universe, what you want is smaller than a dot! If you find your faith wavering, just put a dot in the center of a large circle and next to the dot write the name of your desire. As often as you like, look at your drawing of your dot in the circle, knowing your desire is the size of that dot for the force of the universe!" (TS)

-" Whether you know it or not, today you are placing an order for your tomorrows from the catalogue of the Universe. Your predominant thoughts and feelings today are creating a frequency that is automatically determining your life tomorrow. Feel good now and for the rest of the day, and make your tomorrows magnificent." (TS)

-" Any words you speak have a frequency, and the moment you speak them they are released into the Universe. The law of attraction responds to all frequencies, and so it is also responding to the words that you speak. When you use very strong words, such as "terrible", "shocking" and "horrible" to describe any situation in your life, you are sending out an equally strong frequency, and the law of attraction must respond by bringing that frequency back to you. The law is impersonal, and simply matches your frequency. Do you see how important it is for you to speak strongly about what you want, and not to use strong words about what you don't want?" (TS)

-" Your pain and misery does not help the world. But your joy and your life lived fully uplifts the world." (TS)

-" Money doesn't bring happiness - but happiness brings money." (TS)

-"Recording three things that you’re grateful for each night for a week, researchers found, increased happiness for at least six months afterwards." (Life Optimizer)

Today is a Good Day!

Today I became a "Professional Photographer"!  Well... kinda.  I got paid for one of my photos!  Kinda.  I mean I have sold some work before, and made money for charity with my photos, but today I finally sold a camera that I had won in a photography contest!  The camera was the prize but I sold it on CL for $300!!  Pretty close to the retail price of it!  I am pretty happy about that.  It's a start.

Also today I got it in my mind that I was going to invite my sisters and their families over for a bonfire/dinner tonight so I cleaned my house and tidied my yard all up.  They can't make it, but that's beside the point.  I cleaned and tidied!  That's a big deal for me.  I was able to do this because my kids are out, being entertained elsewhere.  Usually we go off on adventures together on Saturdays. 

It's also sunny today!  And I have exercised for the last three nights!  Sorry for all the exclamation marks.... just feeling good about these steps.  As one of the previously mentioned quotes says... each day only comes once; try to leave something good in it's place.  Or something like that.  It's a good one.

Oh I read another good quote today... "God doesn't give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need.  To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you the person you were meant to be".  I was wondering about that... if some of the people that have been in my life were given to me by God... or just a mistake of my own making.  I know I wouldn't be the same person that I am today without them.  And I know that I am a better person for having had them in my life.  Regardless of the hurt.  They seemed like a mistake... but maybe it was God's doing?  Maybe I wasn't straying from his path at all.  Maybe it is the path that I was supposed to take.  Interesting.  Makes me feel better.

Cheerleaders...

I deserve to be happy.  Everyone says so.  Well, I have a few friends who tell me so.  I am grateful for those who say so... and even just think so.  I am grateful for my cheerleaders.  Those quiet, and not so quiet friends who cheer me on.  They help me more than they know.

 I am grateful for those who compliment my photography.  The ones who think I can do something with it.  It builds up, to help me believe it. 

I am thankful for those who cheer me on in the small every day tasks.  Last night I put on my facebook status that I was on the treadmill for the second day in a row.  I had a number of friends cheer me on.  Feels good.  I have to learn to put myself out there more.  I need to show/tell others what I am doing to give them the opportunity to show their support.  I need to realize people are on my side.  No need to be shy.

Ha ha... as I was writing the last sentence I got a notification that one more friend commented on my status. 

Thanks.

What are you so afraid of?

I realize I am a fearful person.  Afraid of what others think, afraid of failure, afraid of losing control, afraid of strong emotion, afraid of confrontation.  It has held me back a lot in my life.  All of these fears.

I am diabetic, so my fears of being somewhere and running into blood sugar issues is a legitimate concern, but also one that can be dealt with with good preplanning.  I know my body pretty well.  Things can happen unexpectedly but I should be able to cover those, again, with preplanning.

Ok... so who cares what others think?  Really I don't, now that I think about it.  And no one else really cares if I fail at something.  Is that fear really a good reason to avoid even starting in the first place?  The next three previously mentioned fears probably are a result of past experiences but they have led to the point of me avoiding many situations or resolving issues that really should be faced.  Not really serving my best interest. Hmmm.... thinking about it I am afraid of confrontation in certain areas of my life because I know they would lead to anxiety.

I guess that's a big thing for me.  I'm scared of feeling anxious.  I just want to be happy.  So I have simplified my life and my interactions to avoid anxiety. To the point that my life is very limited and predictable.  I'm no kook... I just am not living my life to the extent that I, and those around me deserve.  Ok... I am also afraid of change.  Confrontation and openness would lead to change most likely.  I'd have to step out of my comfort zone.  My little coccoon.  My box. Hmmm...

How does this relate to gratitude?  Hmmm... I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I want to feel more control in my life.  I have heard that one can determine how their life goes... they can think it into existence.  I have always blown that off as being... umm... dishonest?  Ungenuine?  Not facing the truth or the facts in front of you and living a dellusional smiley fluffy headed existence.  But ya know... what if it works?  They say it does.  In a way it's what I've already been doing by avoiding looking at the painful parts of my life.  Is it the same thing?  Or is it different? 

Am I aiming for happiness over truth?  Is that what everyone is doing?  Is that what we should be doing?  Or is that what has led to the economical state of the world today?

I get a giddy feeling every once in a while that if I focus on the happy stuff and the stuff I am grateful for ... then I will feel good... and that leads to energy and confidence... and that leads to action... which leads to results!  So if we (read: I) control our thoughts that will in hand control our emotions... and the rest will just follow.  Oh I hope so.  And I hope I can not get hit by a bad day (grey, or hormonal, or from something external happening, or from not feeling well, etc) and give it all up.

I have always believed that if one has an emotion they should just experience it... let it happen and it will pass when it is over.  I remember having a discussion about this with a man about 15 years ago... before all this power of positive thinking stuff had gone mainstream.  He said that no, you shouldn't dwell on your feelings, you should push past them, supress them and get on with it.  Maybe he was onto something. 

I know that since starting this blog/journal I have been feeling better.  I am not as judgemental or negative (not perfect of course, but I hope to improve).  I keep feeling like I need to say "so I hope all those other feelings don't come back and I don't just slip back"... but isn't this about taking control?!  I should not (read: am not) going to let that happen.

So... here I stand (sit really) grateful for where, and who I am today.  Recently I decided that I do like myself.  And that I'm not a bad person.  I've just let myself slip and fade away. 

No more.  I am me.  I am good.  I am nice.  I am healthy.  I have a good life.  I have great kids.  God made me the way I am way for a reason.  He made me a perfect me... with the world and life spread out in front of me for me to experience and enjoy.  Exciting stuff, huh?!  It is!  All the possibilities! I was going to say "where is life going to lead me?"  But I guess the real question is where shall I lead my life? 

I have never been good at making decisions... or knowing what I want I guess.  I'm sure again, that is tied to my past, but the cause is not the issue.  That's over and done with.  I have the power to choose now.  Hmmm... mind boggling.  No it's not!  That is defeatist attitude... saying my mind can't handle it.  It all starts with baby steps.  Small decisions...I don't have to make the big decisions now.  Focus on the now... on the good stuff in the now.  "Bloom where you are planted" as the fridge magnet my daughter made me 10 or so years ago says.  The past is over and unchangeable, the future is unknown but the here and now is the "present"!  It's the only thing any of us can work with.

So as you can see I tend to blab on and on.  But writing things down like this helps me.  It helps me to lay my thoughts out on the table, as it were.  Clears the cobwebs.  I suppose it also is a way to hold myself accountable. 

I have no idea if anyone else is reading this.  If you are, I hope my ramblings help you in some way, or at least make you think.  I know they are helping me.  If you have any input or feedback I'd love to hear from you.

Let's Start With The Obvious...

Things I'm grateful for:

My kids
My health
My eyesight
My mind
My husband
A roof over my head
Food on the table
God
Music
My parents and siblings
My past
People who love me
People who loved me in the past
Doctors who have helped me
Wine
The internet
Laughter
Nature
Trees
Sunshine
My photography eye
My photography skills
The sound of rain
My kid's love for me

Me

A Few Reminders...

Here are some quotes that I have read over the last little while that resonated with me personally. I'm sorry that I don't have them referenced... I was just collecting them for myself at first. If need be I could probably find the source. Let me know if you want them.

• Today is a whole day for you to do good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a whole day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; and in its place will be something that you had left behind... let it be something good.

• You can mouth the words of a prayer all day long and just waste your time, unless you also speak with your heart. And to speak with your heart means to embody first. If you pray for love, be loving. If you pray for wealth, be generous. If you pray for health, practice health yourself.

• You have so many gifts! - use them. God has given you so many gifts to sow love and to give hope, to shine light and to spread joy. Abundant gifts. Use them. Give to yourself and give to others. There is an endless spring where they come from.

• You feel pleasure when you want something and you get it. Or when you don't want something and you remove it. Pleasure is always relative. Happiness is absolute. Happiness is the understanding and acceptance of life as it is in this very moment as completely perfect, because every creation of God is perfect. The degree to which you do not accept life in all of the Divine forms is the degree to which you suffer.

• When people tell you nice things, stop shrugging them off as if they are nothing. The sincere compliments you receive are your jewels, - collect them in your heart, - they highlight the beauty of your being and empower you during challenging times. Never say 'oh, it's nothing' or shrug your shoulders when you hear a sincere compliment. Pause, breathe it in, and really feel its meaning.

• When we are quiet, we can hear God's messages to us. Sometimes these messages may be in the form of subtle intuition. Sometimes it may feel like an inner knowing. Sometimes we may hear a 'still, small voice.' If it feels right in your heart, trust that it is God speaking to you.

• When you focus on problems, you will have more problems. When you focus on possibilities, you will have more opportunities.

• This world was made for you too. Enjoy it, explore it, experience it. Don't hold back. It is God's gift to you. Don't be a wallflower in the dance of life.

• Fear won't get you where you want to go. It's not easy to head off into uncharted waters, but every journey starts with a first step. Fear will keep you from taking that first step, from untying the boat from the dock. Fear will also keep you from making new discoveries. Don't let fear keep you tied up, set sail and see what God has planned for you.

• You were created to be alive. You weren't made to simply survive until you die. Live it up, embrace life. This entire planet exists for all God's creatures, - and that includes you. Don't wait to start living, begin right now, with your very next breath. There are many wonderful experiences waiting for you, so get going.

• You matter. People need you. People you love and even people you have never met are depending on you. You matter to God as well. No one else can be the person you were created to be. Do not think for a minute that you are not important; - the world needs you. God needs you.

• You influence those around you. Think well about the seeds you are planting as you influence the people around you every day. You can plant seeds of impatience, fear, and frustration, or of love, contentment, and faith. It's up to you!

• You are created just right. Each kind of bird has a uniquely-shaped beak, wings, and even feather shape so that everything about it is perfect for the lifestyle it lives. The various wing shapes allow them to dart after a bug, soar miles above a field, or fly for months over the ocean. Just as God cares enough to give each bird exactly what it needs, so you have been given the exact talents and personality to live the life God has given you.

• There are just two directions in life, - to shrink or to grow.

• Great people talk about ideas, Average people talk about things and small people talk about other people.

• Every person has the power to make others happy.
  Some do it simply by entering a room -- others by leaving the room.
  Some individuals leave trails of gloom; others, trails of joy.
  Some leave trails of hate and bitterness; others, trails of love & harmony.
  Some leave trails of cynicism and pessimism; others trails of faith and optimism.
  Some leave trails of criticism and resignation; others trails of gratitude and hope.
  
  What type of trails do you leave?

Letting Go...

Ok, so this is going to be a gratitude journal of sorts. I realize I can feel down, especially as the cold, wet, grey winters drag on here. I hear that focussing on what I am grateful for will help with this and will help me to see good around me and not just bad. To see growth and love in my life instead of failure and lonliness. Through reading I have come to realize that when I focus on the negative, that is what I spread. And who wants to hang out with a negative person? I reap what I sow. And when I judge and put others down I bring that back upon myself through karma. Not good. And I HATE the idea of instilling these traits in my daughters. I don't want them to be negative, friendless or suffer from even mild depression.

I know there is more potential in me than I allow myself. Hey! I am going to make this also a place where I post quotes that I come upon that I like... that I need to be reminded of.

So I am letting go. Of my old self... my judgemental, negative, scared, lazy, pessimistic, depressed self. I want to embrace a me who is warm, friendly, curious, helpful, active, healthy, accepting, optimistic, and gracious. I know I need God to help me with these things. So I am letting go to God. My way hasn't been working. Thank you for bringing me to this table. To your table. Please help me to continue with this journey. Please be my friend and don't give up on me.... and don't let me give up on myself.