Wow, it feels like forever since I've written here. Or written at all really... I mean, sat and had time to be in my own headspace. I'm out of the habit. I keep thinking about my to do list and things I need to get done this week, now that I finally get some time to myself. My kids are all back in school, but with two in university their schedules are all over the place, with days off and one class per day some days. Ok... shake it off... here and now... I have time alone... it's quiet... I know I need to start the laundry... shhh... hush...
Over the holidays I was surprised to find I felt down some days. And a bit short tempered on some. It could be because I didn't get my alone time. It could be all the expectations tied to the holidays... entertaining, baking, shopping, decorating, house guests, etc. Thinking back I really enjoyed most of that. I do know though that I get stressed when we have house guests. Not just the cleaning or the cooking or the hosting and entertaining... it's the pressure to be "on" all the time. To be chatty and social and witty etc.
I am an introvert. And introverts get their energy from being alone, whereas extroverts get their energy from being around other people. The rest of my immediate family is pretty much introverted as well... with the exception of enjoying spending time together. I was going to say that perhaps sharing our genetics, our blood, that that predisposes us to feeling that we are part of a shared unit. But I sure don't feel that way with my bro and sis's. In a way it is more relaxing to spend time with strangers or aquaintances than with my siblings or my mother. Extended family members come with an intimacy (even though we are not very close) that allows them to judge and question and comment on me and my life, that others don't. Or maybe I just feel judged and compared and measured. Hmmm.
One of my daughter's is a bit more extroverted than the rest of us. She is the first of my daughter's to have a boyfriend. It is a new experience for all of us. She is a good kid with a level head and so I don't worry about her (after a few reassuring talks we've had, that is). Her boyfriend however doesn't live nearby. They live a ferry ride (about 4 hour trip door to door) apart. I won't get into how they met but the majority of their relationship since meeting is carried out via text and skype. He is a nice boy and we get along really well. (The girls have always told each other that they all have to approve of each other's boyfriends/husbands... and luckily this one fits). But anyway, this boy came to visit over the holidays. He stayed 6 days. It was only supposed to be for 4 days but my daughter talked me into allowing an extended visit. Then as soon as he left, actually even before, that same daughter had a friend over who prefers being at our house to being at her own. So she comes over, or they go out together... but she always stays until 10 or 11 pm. She just sits down at the dinner table at dinner time, helps herself to food in the kitchen whenever she wants... makes herself quite at home. (Oh dear, I'm getting worked up and whining... ugh).
My point is, I am grateful that my daughter's have friends, and that they are really great kids. I am grateful that we all like the majority of their friends. I am grateful that they feel comfortable at our house and feel welcome. I am grateful that they like me as a person and don't just see me as a typical mom. They think I'm cool and like going on outings with me. I am blessed that my kids love hanging out with me and we have tons of fun together... and I guess it is a compliment when their friends envy us and want to join us. I know that including them is the good "christian" thing to do.
Over the years we have had a number of friends like this. Friends of my three daughters who latch on to us and spend a lot of time with us. One such friend was a boy who was was in foster care and wasn't happy in his foster home. He would drop by just before dinner most nights and we would just set a plate for him and take smaller portions. He also would sleep over at our house two or three nights a week (of course getting permission from his foster mom). He kept a number of items at our house (we were in a bigger house then). We took him with us on our outings... he probably would never have a chance to go to many of the places we took him otherwise. Another friend who, years later, frequently joined us on out outings, later said that the times he spent with us were the happiest times of his life.
So I guess where this is going (I never know until I start writing... or even what topic I'm going to ramble about) is to realize for myself that it is a good thing to put my own introversion aside and to welcome these people with open arms into our/my life. My psychology background makes me empathize with these kids (well, some are in their 20's). Some of them open up to me. One girl said she felt more comfortable talking to me than to her own mother. Not to sound boastful, but I suppose I was given a gift (many, if you include my car, my home, my children, the food I can provide, my freedom to go on outings, etc) and I should use my gift unselfishly. Gifts are meant to be shared. Comfort zones sometimes need to be breached.
So, this isn't at all what I thought I was going to write about today. I had a few other ideas brewing, but I find this free flow is the best way for me. Perhaps it gets out what needs to get out.
Now to tackle the laundry.
Over the holidays I was surprised to find I felt down some days. And a bit short tempered on some. It could be because I didn't get my alone time. It could be all the expectations tied to the holidays... entertaining, baking, shopping, decorating, house guests, etc. Thinking back I really enjoyed most of that. I do know though that I get stressed when we have house guests. Not just the cleaning or the cooking or the hosting and entertaining... it's the pressure to be "on" all the time. To be chatty and social and witty etc.
I am an introvert. And introverts get their energy from being alone, whereas extroverts get their energy from being around other people. The rest of my immediate family is pretty much introverted as well... with the exception of enjoying spending time together. I was going to say that perhaps sharing our genetics, our blood, that that predisposes us to feeling that we are part of a shared unit. But I sure don't feel that way with my bro and sis's. In a way it is more relaxing to spend time with strangers or aquaintances than with my siblings or my mother. Extended family members come with an intimacy (even though we are not very close) that allows them to judge and question and comment on me and my life, that others don't. Or maybe I just feel judged and compared and measured. Hmmm.
One of my daughter's is a bit more extroverted than the rest of us. She is the first of my daughter's to have a boyfriend. It is a new experience for all of us. She is a good kid with a level head and so I don't worry about her (after a few reassuring talks we've had, that is). Her boyfriend however doesn't live nearby. They live a ferry ride (about 4 hour trip door to door) apart. I won't get into how they met but the majority of their relationship since meeting is carried out via text and skype. He is a nice boy and we get along really well. (The girls have always told each other that they all have to approve of each other's boyfriends/husbands... and luckily this one fits). But anyway, this boy came to visit over the holidays. He stayed 6 days. It was only supposed to be for 4 days but my daughter talked me into allowing an extended visit. Then as soon as he left, actually even before, that same daughter had a friend over who prefers being at our house to being at her own. So she comes over, or they go out together... but she always stays until 10 or 11 pm. She just sits down at the dinner table at dinner time, helps herself to food in the kitchen whenever she wants... makes herself quite at home. (Oh dear, I'm getting worked up and whining... ugh).
My point is, I am grateful that my daughter's have friends, and that they are really great kids. I am grateful that we all like the majority of their friends. I am grateful that they feel comfortable at our house and feel welcome. I am grateful that they like me as a person and don't just see me as a typical mom. They think I'm cool and like going on outings with me. I am blessed that my kids love hanging out with me and we have tons of fun together... and I guess it is a compliment when their friends envy us and want to join us. I know that including them is the good "christian" thing to do.
Over the years we have had a number of friends like this. Friends of my three daughters who latch on to us and spend a lot of time with us. One such friend was a boy who was was in foster care and wasn't happy in his foster home. He would drop by just before dinner most nights and we would just set a plate for him and take smaller portions. He also would sleep over at our house two or three nights a week (of course getting permission from his foster mom). He kept a number of items at our house (we were in a bigger house then). We took him with us on our outings... he probably would never have a chance to go to many of the places we took him otherwise. Another friend who, years later, frequently joined us on out outings, later said that the times he spent with us were the happiest times of his life.
So I guess where this is going (I never know until I start writing... or even what topic I'm going to ramble about) is to realize for myself that it is a good thing to put my own introversion aside and to welcome these people with open arms into our/my life. My psychology background makes me empathize with these kids (well, some are in their 20's). Some of them open up to me. One girl said she felt more comfortable talking to me than to her own mother. Not to sound boastful, but I suppose I was given a gift (many, if you include my car, my home, my children, the food I can provide, my freedom to go on outings, etc) and I should use my gift unselfishly. Gifts are meant to be shared. Comfort zones sometimes need to be breached.
So, this isn't at all what I thought I was going to write about today. I had a few other ideas brewing, but I find this free flow is the best way for me. Perhaps it gets out what needs to get out.
Now to tackle the laundry.
