Even though I have said that at this stage in my life I am reaching out to others and trying to make social connections, it is also a time for internal reflection. Being me, I seem to be focussing more on the internal reflection part, than the reaching out part. It's all a process right? Baby steps, as I have said before. Actually, now that I really think about it I have been a bit more socially engaged... or at least more socially open than I have been in the past. Huh. Good to realize.
That is why it's a good idea to write down a list of one's goals. Then, at a later point... or even when you are feeling like you are making no progress, you can go back and re-read your list and see that in fact you most likely have made progress. Even if just baby step. It reminds me of the idea that I heard years ago about keeping a "prayer journal". I was part of a "home group" set up by my church for small groupings of people to get together weekly to experience a more personal and interactive experience. At the close of each meeting we would share our prayer requests, with the idea that we would pray for each other. I kept a prayer journal for the group, and after a few months went back and found that indeed, most of our prayers were answered in one way or another, at least to some degree.
Anyway to get back on track to what I initially meant to write about... (see how I ramble? But this is what I meant this writing experience to be about for me... my wandering thoughts. See how I also argue with myself a lot?... ugh)
Anyway, even though I have found myself turning inward to reflection, I realize that I am still "teaching" my girls. Even though they are teens and young adults, and don't need me in the same way they used to, they still watch and learn from their mother. But it is different than how they used to view me and my ways... instead of just seeing their mum and seeing me as an authority figure who is all knowing and perfect, they now think for themselves and may or may not agree with my opinions and ways. Along with their own thought processes, they have friends, teachers, professors, and even Youtube stars helping them analyse the world around them. I've noticed that they see Youtube stars as almost friends. That is kinda scary. They can (and do) interact with these stars through adding comments, "friending" them on Facebook and "chatting" when they do livestream stuff. They watch these people going through their daily lives and speaking directly to the camera (read: the viewer) often about personal and/or big matters. Values, opinions, how to act, what family life is supposed to be like, how to manage your finances, etc. I trust my girls, and I know they watch youtubers with good values for the most part. They have gravitated towards the youtubers with similar values to ours... humour, family, fun, creativity, appreciation of the small things, health... But still...
I mean I know that friends and tv etc have always been a huge influences on kids' lives... but now... I guess it's my kids' age and their maturity level that make them open their eyes to my faults. I dunno what I'm trying to say here... writing it out, I see it's a good thing. It's awesome. I guess my point is that I can't take their respect for granted anymore. It's got nothing to do with Youtube. They are emerging young women on the awesome progression towards being independent adults.
I am grateful for my three beautiful, intelligent, awesome daughters. I am grateful for their emerging independence. I am grateful that I can be a part of it. I am grateful that they respect me and my opinions and truly like me (and I, them). Actually, I am grateful that they do have these other influences in their lives. I know I haven't done everything right and that my opinions aren't always the healthiest. They are taking in all the information around them and digesting it... helping them to formulate their own opinions and ways.
So, I have come to realize that all this stuff about working on myself and my attitudes etc is also about helping form my daughters' attitudes, dreams and sense of power. I may have been feeling like it's a time to step aside and let them go, but... they are still here, watching and asking my opinions. I may have faults, and they may see them more clearly now... but they can also see that I am trying to change... and we can now discuss these new opinions, values and ways logically and critically together. How awesome is that?!
That is why it's a good idea to write down a list of one's goals. Then, at a later point... or even when you are feeling like you are making no progress, you can go back and re-read your list and see that in fact you most likely have made progress. Even if just baby step. It reminds me of the idea that I heard years ago about keeping a "prayer journal". I was part of a "home group" set up by my church for small groupings of people to get together weekly to experience a more personal and interactive experience. At the close of each meeting we would share our prayer requests, with the idea that we would pray for each other. I kept a prayer journal for the group, and after a few months went back and found that indeed, most of our prayers were answered in one way or another, at least to some degree.
Anyway to get back on track to what I initially meant to write about... (see how I ramble? But this is what I meant this writing experience to be about for me... my wandering thoughts. See how I also argue with myself a lot?... ugh)
Anyway, even though I have found myself turning inward to reflection, I realize that I am still "teaching" my girls. Even though they are teens and young adults, and don't need me in the same way they used to, they still watch and learn from their mother. But it is different than how they used to view me and my ways... instead of just seeing their mum and seeing me as an authority figure who is all knowing and perfect, they now think for themselves and may or may not agree with my opinions and ways. Along with their own thought processes, they have friends, teachers, professors, and even Youtube stars helping them analyse the world around them. I've noticed that they see Youtube stars as almost friends. That is kinda scary. They can (and do) interact with these stars through adding comments, "friending" them on Facebook and "chatting" when they do livestream stuff. They watch these people going through their daily lives and speaking directly to the camera (read: the viewer) often about personal and/or big matters. Values, opinions, how to act, what family life is supposed to be like, how to manage your finances, etc. I trust my girls, and I know they watch youtubers with good values for the most part. They have gravitated towards the youtubers with similar values to ours... humour, family, fun, creativity, appreciation of the small things, health... But still...
I mean I know that friends and tv etc have always been a huge influences on kids' lives... but now... I guess it's my kids' age and their maturity level that make them open their eyes to my faults. I dunno what I'm trying to say here... writing it out, I see it's a good thing. It's awesome. I guess my point is that I can't take their respect for granted anymore. It's got nothing to do with Youtube. They are emerging young women on the awesome progression towards being independent adults.
I am grateful for my three beautiful, intelligent, awesome daughters. I am grateful for their emerging independence. I am grateful that I can be a part of it. I am grateful that they respect me and my opinions and truly like me (and I, them). Actually, I am grateful that they do have these other influences in their lives. I know I haven't done everything right and that my opinions aren't always the healthiest. They are taking in all the information around them and digesting it... helping them to formulate their own opinions and ways.
So, I have come to realize that all this stuff about working on myself and my attitudes etc is also about helping form my daughters' attitudes, dreams and sense of power. I may have been feeling like it's a time to step aside and let them go, but... they are still here, watching and asking my opinions. I may have faults, and they may see them more clearly now... but they can also see that I am trying to change... and we can now discuss these new opinions, values and ways logically and critically together. How awesome is that?!
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